Marriage is awkward: Sleeping Positions

Newly weds always want to be in a cuddly heart-felt position before they fall asleep, (I blame the movies) But here is the awkward truth about sleeping positions.

This Picture was on a website I was looking at, and I laughed at the description: "What Does sleeping style of a couple tell about the relationship" The article then describes each sleeping style and what it means. Here's the list of what they say each position means, and then I'll tell you my opinion.



A. The loving Spoonful
This position reveals strong bonding between the couple and is the symbol of ultimate understanding between them.

B. The dead arm embrace of passion
This position reveals that the passion is still alive and the love between the couple is still young and on a high.

C. The Tandem Bike
This position tells us that the couple is still trying to understand each other and compromise with each other.

D. Sunnyside and Flipped
This position reveals that both live in there own world and a lack of togetherness between them.

E. Property Dispute
Simply Drunk!

F. One side fits all
This position reveals that both of them do care for each other and they do have their small world where they share everything.

G. The Space Between Us
They are on a break.

H. Doing Da' Bump
They are in a fight but still care about each other.

My Opinion

A. The Dead Arm Dragon Breath

This position means that about 30 Mins into sleeping, Your partners arm is going to fall asleep and then in an effort to keep his arm from falling off from the weight of your massive noggin, he'll try to be careful not to wake you by moving his arm really slow from underneath your head. But what he doesn't know is that, for the past 30 mins you've been wide awake wishing he would stop breathing down  your neck and roll over already! This results in switching from position A to position G.

B. Death By Suffocation

I have never slept like this.. Did they get stuck that way and have no choice but to fall asleep? I mean, His arm is going to fall asleep, Her neck is going to be kinked in the morning, There is no room to move at all, let alone breathe! Does he realize that she is suffocating him with her neck!?! That is no way to die, being suffocated by "The dead arm embrace of passion" No thank you... I'll pass.

C. The Mimic

Eeeeh.. This one is okay. The hand resting on the girls side is a bit creepy, and will eventually slide off during the night but other then that it seems like a good position. I've slept like this and it's pretty relaxing. If you want to have a good nights sleep instantly, I would start out in a position like this.

D. One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

This position means that she is use to sleeping on her stomach and he is use to sleeping on his back! it does not mean that there is a "Lack of togetherness between them." Who comes up with this shiz? Honestly... It also probably means that once your husband is asleep he is going to start snoring. Whatever you do, DO NOT cover his mouth to prevent him from snoring, it results in an uncontrolled reaction. (I learned this the hard way) Lesson learned:)

E. To Dumb To Function

hahahaha, I have never been drunk before, and Never will be. I would imagine that I would probably be in the bathroom throwing up the whole night and then eventually fall asleep near the toilet... So if you took the girl out of this picture it would probably be accurate. Drinking means: Messy, Gross hair, Dirty sleep, that you can never remember or get back.... Just don't do it.

F. Lovers Lullaby

I love love LOVE this position, although I can't fall asleep like this, Zac and I usually stay this way when we're talking right before we go to bed, and then when we start feeling really sleeping and our words turn into mumbles we separate to our sides and immediately fall asleep. :) I love this because hearing his heart beat before bed relaxes me. It's like a lovers Lullaby. Look at me... I'm sooo Cheesy:p

G. Give Me My Space!

This is how we usually sleep, we're both edge huggers so this works out well for us. Except, I steal the blanket more in this position Because I'm on the edge of the bed, So I also have the very edge of the blanket. I have to be engulfed in the blanket in order to fall asleep. So all night long, its a tug-of-war between who gets the most of the blanket.. I usually win:) Along with position C this is one where its easy to fall asleep, So if you want to fall asleep fast just pick a side:)

H. I Give Up

"They're in a fight.." You're kidding me right? (that rhymed) This position just means that he has more of the blanket then you do, So you scooted closer to him because you don't want to play tug-of-war anymore. its just a continuation of position G. No fighting involved. Now if you want a good fight position try B. That way you're cutting off his air just enough that he can listen to you nag to him instead of talking back:p Or do what Zac and I do, and never go to bed angry. It helps with communication skills and doesn't leave you crying on the other side of the bed, wishing he would wake up and ask whats wrong.

There you have it. My version of positions and what they mean. If you're Feeling emotional before you go to bed just fix it and don't let your emotions control how uncomfortable your sleep is. Sleep is a very precious thing, don't waste it. One day You'll wake up to 12 little munchkins running around and regret not getting all the sleep you could when you had the chance! Stalk up on that sleep right now before its to late!

I'd also like to say congrats to Lesley Johnson (who got married on the 9th)  Kacie Palmer, Ana & Spencer Keele, and Shelbie Canfield for getting married this weekend. And since I know I'm not going to blog again for awhile, also a big congrats To Jesika Topham on the 11th! 

Congrats Ladies! Just remember, Marriage can be awkward, But its also full of laughs, smiles and unconditional Love:)

Marriage is awkward: Showering

Seeing someone else naked for the first time is awkward enough right? Then when you add showering to the mix its a whole new ball game:)

All throughout growing up my parents have showered together, it wasn't ever weird for me I just thought that was what Married people do. At the tender age of 19, after I "Grew up" Of course I was going to keep the tradition in tact and shower with my husband. What Girl wouldn't? There are some pro's and con's to showering with someone else though, especially in a new marriage.

                                                   

Pro: Showering with someone else Conserves water 

(that's what everyone says)      

Con: You spend more time in the shower with someone else so you waste more water       

Pro:You now have a permanent back washer               

Pro/Con: Washing each others bodies usually leads to other things;)                                                                              

                                                                             

Pro: You have someone to tell you if you still have mascara all over your face

Con: You look like an Owl or one of the Kiss members in the process                  

Pro: You get to continually look at your spouse while he/she is naked. 

(which isn't really different for me, Zac prefers nakedness to clothes anyway.)               

Con: While you're checking out he/she they are enjoying the main stream of the water..leaving you out in the cold.

Pro: You get to bed earlier because you don't Have to wait for them to get out, so you can get in

Pro/Con:There are NO traffic lines on the tub, so you bump Into each other a lot. (which could be a pro, depending on the mood)

Pro: Shampoo lasts a whole lot longer with only 2 people.

Con: Unless your one of those girls that squeeze half of the bottle out and put it on your head

Pro: You learn new cleaning tricks

Con: You have to clean yourself twice as much because you don't want them to think you didn't.

So there you have it folks! A couple Pro's and Con's about showering with your spouse! If you haven't done it, I suggest you do and if you have and want to add to my list just let me know! Always remember, Marriage gets less awkward as you go along, endure to the end and remember that little things go a long way:) And maybe you could think about sharing the hot water a little more.

                                                                   

                                                                                        

                                                                                                                      

Marriage is awkward: Farting

I fart. You fart. He farts. She farts. Dogs fart. Cats fart. Moms fart. Dads fart. Old people fart. Young people fart. EVERYONE FARTS!

So why is farting in front of your spouse so awkward?

I dunno about you, but I have never heard Zac fart.. ever. Which is odd for me, because boys tend to fart more then girls.. but on the other side of the marriage totem-pole, Zac has never heard me fart. Now, I'm not going to be a typical girl and say "oh.. I don't fart, ever. that never happens to me." Ladies and Gentlemen, I know I look like the perfect little angel girl, but even angels Fart. Its just human nature:) 

Why is it that Girls are more embarrassed about Farting then Boys are? Lets face it, being gross and smelly is the mans job.. not the Ladies job. Men, Can you imagine Making out with your Girl and then Hearing her let a rip right in front of you? Or say your making love and it happens then? While most men think this is funny and just brush it off, Us Women immediately become embarrassed and self conscious about our flatulence. I don't care what psycho girl you're dating that says she doesn't care if you fart. She cares. We just have to accept farting because it just happens.

Granted, As men and women Get older they just don't seem to care anymore. 

"Woah honey! That was definitely your brand!"

 'Was that a wet one? you might want to check your pants' 

"Man.. Those burritos are getting to me." 

Then when you get really old and cant control it anymore you fart in the weirdest places. For example:

Walking down the stairs

Standing up from a couch,

Sitting down on a couch,

Bending down to get something,

Walking down an aisle at the grocery store,

Coughing. (this one makes me laugh every time!)

Sneezing.

Sleeping.

 Not farting in public is polite, but is it impolite to fart in front of your spouse or friends? Once you Fart in front of your spouse one time, it sorta "breaks the ice" for farting. So stop holding it in! Go on and fart, Because eventually you wont be able to control it any more, and those ones are the worst smelling:)